The cost of choosing yourself

When living your truth feels like a betrayal to others, but staying small feels like a betrayal to yourself.

Do you truly choose yourself? Or are you still living by someone else’s expectations, just to avoid letting them down?

When I decided to move abroad, it stirred up emotions. For me, but especially for those around me. My family, for example. I was choosing me, not them. I knew I’d visit less, and that I’d miss birthdays and spontaneous catch-ups.

But here’s the thing: when I still lived in Utrecht, I didn’t see them that much more often. Aside from birthdays, not much has really changed, except that I’m now prioritizing my own path.

When your growth confronts someone else’s comfort

The moment you start growing, others often (unconsciously) try to keep you small,so you’ll still fit the version of you they’re comfortable with.

Growth means you set boundaries. You achieve goals. You stop saying yes to everything.

And that can trigger people. It forces them to look at themselves. It challenges their comfort.

"They might say you’ve changed. But often, that just means you stopped living their version of your life."

Choosing yourself is not selfish, you’re just no longer shrinking

When you choose a different lifestyle, one that doesn’t fit the mold of those closest to you, it becomes harder to live that life fully. The path of least resistance is to shrink. To dim your light just a little. To make yourself a little more “palatable.”But here’s the truth: that’s how you stay small. That’s how you trade authenticity for acceptance. And often, you don’t even notice, until you start changing, really changing.

And then the comments come:“You’ve changed.”“You’re different now.”

But when you ask them how, they can’t always explain it. Because what they’re actually saying is:You’re no longer who I need you to be for my comfort.

Living your truth feels lighter, until you go back

Even here in Spain, even with the distance, those reactions sometimes show up. There are still expectations. And every time I go back to the Netherlands, I feel it again: as if I’m stepping into an old version of myself. As if I’m hitting pause. As if everything around me is standing still, while in Spain, I feel in motion. Focused. Expanding.

Familiar is safe. But growth lives in the unknown.

Choosing the unknown is scary. The familiar is easy to cling to. But the unknown? That’s where the potential lives. Where new versions of you get built.

So ask yourself honestly: are you keeping yourself small, on purpose or without realising it?

And if you could choose freely, without guilt or fear. What life would you build?

Because you set the boundaries. And those boundaries shape how far you’ll go.

📖 Also read: Digital nomad by choice, not by trend. A reflection on what it really means to step away from comfort and create your own path.